Excerpt from The Sex Fix

What follows is the Prologue to my new book, The Sex Fix. This project has been in the making for many years, going back as far as Boondock Church, where I first hinted at the subject. It will soon be available in both print and digital formats as a special pre-release edition.

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I have to write this book.

True story: when I first pitched the idea to my wife a couple of years ago, she started hyperventilating. “Wait… does this mean talking about our personal sex life?!”

“Probably,” I said.

She panicked as I put pen to paper.

I get it—this isn’t the most comfortable thing to write or talk about.  But I have to. Somebody has to say something, because sex is a disaster zone, our culture drowning in sexual dysfunction and brokenness. 

And there is a solution.

In 1 Corinthians chapters 6 and 7, the Apostle Paul faced a sexual crisis strikingly similar to our own—sexual sin was rampant: prostitution, premarital sex, adultery, and even incest—both outside and inside the church.

Marriages are in trouble too.  Spoiler alert: that’s actually central to the crisis—both theirs and ours.

And to make matters worse, Paul’s audience had reached the conclusion that sex itself was the problem—that it was bad, or at best, a necessary evil.

His response to the chaos is what really caught my attention (and became the seedbed for this book):

But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. (1 Corinthians 7:2, NIV)

Let that sink in.

Sex is broken, and Paul says the solution—The Sex Fix: each man should have sex with his own wife, and each wife should have sex with her own husband.

Really? That’s it?! It’s shockingly simple, straightforward, and mostly (or completely) ignored.

The church’s approach to sexual brokenness is mostly reactive—and ineffective, especially when you consider the return on investment. We spend countless hours and much effort dousing flames: counselling sessions, accountability groups, purity pledges, and sermons upon sermons about what not to do.

Damage control.

And we barely move the needle.

We chase shadows when we should be turning on a light.  For all the problems society faces regarding sexuality, Paul’s solution amounts to just that: turning on the light.

I know what you’re thinking: “If married sex is the revolutionary solution to sex-gone-wrong, it’s a pretty lame one.” It’s true: when the marriage bed comes into the limelight, it’s not much to look at, making Paul’s claim seem weak and empty. Look no further than Hollywood stereotypes of husbands and wives tucked into bed wearing thick flannel PJs, complete with reading glasses. The depiction is provincial and mediocre, with sex being obligatory at best—the get-it-over-with variety. And sadly, our actual experience is likely similar.

No, this isn’t what we’re after!

The Sex Fix is… drumroll, please… wholesome, erotic, homegrown, clean, uninhibited, passionate, creative, frequent, mind-blowing, body-tingling, heart-stirring, life-giving sex between a husband and a wife.

For life.

And if my hypothesis is correct, it means a sexless marriage is the most destructive sex-sin in our culture, causing an atomic chain reaction of dysfunction throughout society.

The world is drowning in sexual darkness. Most everyone admits this. We humbly suggest (along with Paul) that light is needed. The good stuff in action. Sexual holiness. Which is considerably more than avoiding evil; it’s embracing the fullness of God’s very, very good plan.

In light of this, maybe—just maybe—we should have focused more on marriage retreats before purity groups. We should have taught couples how to thrive sexually rather than consuming our pulpit time with what is forbidden.

Now what?

Here’s the good news! Paul doesn’t drop this truth-bomb and then leave us to struggle valiantly onward (an apt description of many God-honouring couples). 1 Corinthians 7 isn’t theoretical or speculative. It’s a blueprint, a roadmap showing us exactly what this thriving, light-bringing sexuality looks like.

And that’s what this book is about.

Welcome to The Sex Fix.